How Do I Live Without Ranger
by got2BaBabeFan
Summary: Reposted without the lyrics. Stephanie has agreed to marry Joe. Will she go through with the ceremony? Rating for language only


Reposted without lyrics due to response from FFN.

A/N: Characters belong to JE, just bending them to my will.

I never thought I'd write a song fic but I caught Con Air on TV one night at the hotel after work and I thought the song fit well with the characters. The lyrics are in bold. What do you think?

**How Do I Live Without Ranger**

Hi, I'm Stephanie Plum, soon to be Morelli. Yeah, I finally gave in and quit bounty hunting, moved in with Joe and agreed to marry him. I'm not in love with him but everyone was on my case about marrying him and it's not like I'm going to get a better offer. I mean it's not like Ranger will ever ask me, he doesn't do anything stupid like marriage and children and his life doesn't lend itself to relationships. The problem is I'm in love with him and I know he loves me in his own way. I guess that means like I love Joe; love for a good friend. I can't wait any longer to see if Ranger changes his mind and honestly I couldn't, bear it if I was alone and he began seeing someone that he can change for.

I was sitting in my mother's dining room with Val, Grandma Mazur and Mrs. Morelli. They along with my mother had planned my whole wedding; I couldn't pick the right dress, hairstyle or even flowers – my taste wasn't good enough for the Burg. They even tried to choose the "right" bridesmaids, Val and Morelli's sisters and sister-in-law. I put my foot down on that one, I wanted Val but I also wanted Lula, Connie and Mary Lou. They fought me on Lula, she's not Burg but I said she was one of my best friends and I had given up so much, all I wanted was Lula to be part of my day. They finally gave in and said she better behave. I needed my friends because I had also invited Ranger, Tank and some of the Merry Men. They would help me get through this, well at least watching Ranger's lack of emotion at my marrying another man would get me through. It would reaffirm I was doing the right thing; he wasn't in love with me.

Currently they were picking out the song for our first dance. Mrs. Morelli said "This is the most important part of the reception; it'll define your marriage."

Was she kidding? The food and the cake were more important than which song we dance to. I at least got to choose the flavors for the cake but not the design or frosting colors. I mean seriously Joe doesn't even dance. So I said "Joe doesn't dance, why bother."

My mother did not like my attitude "Stephanie you should be a little more excited, your wedding is tomorrow. I'm sure Joseph will dance with you."

"Yeah sure he will. My happiness has always been his highest priority" was my sarcastic reply.

Mrs. Morelli spoke up "I'll make sure he dances with you once. You need to stop pouting that he made you quit that job with that thug."

I was fuming; I couldn't believe they were still bashing Ranger. I mean it's not like he stopped me from quitting or marrying Joe. He was probably happy I was marrying Joe. He'd save a lot of money in extra man power and cars; his entertainment budget would decrease.

Val sensed I was close to losing it again and she tried to diffuse the situation by asking "Mrs. Morelli why don't you play the song you chose. I'm sure it's perfect for Steph and Joe."

Mrs. Morelli, yes I was marrying Joe tomorrow and Val and I still called her Mrs. Morelli. That's what she wanted and Joe agreed it was still appropriate. I heard Lee Ann Rimes sing from the CD player the song "How Do I Live." I normally don't like country but I remember the song from Con Air and Nic Cage's character was an Army Ranger. I was stunned; this was the perfect song for me and Joe? No way, this was the song for me and Ranger. At least that's how I felt about him. I got up and walked out the door, ignoring the yelling from my mother and Mrs. Morelli. I had to get out of there fast. Tears were streaming down my face as I got into my car and drove without even thinking.

I had a new car which I purchased with earnings from Rangeman. It was a black Porsche Cayenne and it was a couple of years old. Joe was not happy but I said we aren't married yet and this was my money, in my checking account to spend as I pleased. I made sure I kept my own account and he had no access to my money. I wasn't going to be caught with nothing again. I realized I was driving toward Haywood Street and I turned around and got on the highway and drove toward Point Pleasant.

I needed to think and decide if I really should marry Joe. It was September so the beach was empty; I parked my car, once I hit the sand I pulled off my shoes and walked along the shore. After awhile I sat in the sand by my shoes. The words of the song "How Do I Live" kept running through my head.

Every time Ranger left for a mission I thought about what would happen if he didn't come back? I knew this was his reason for not having a relationship. He didn't want to be that guy who left a family devastated by his loss. I would have to learn to deal with not having Ranger in my life if I married Joe.

I needed to feel Ranger in my arms and I needed to be in his arms whenever something bad happened. He always calmed me and made me feel safe and like I could do anything. He was my world - how would I go on without him?

My life felt darker without Ranger, heavier. I always felt loved when I was with him but Joe never made me feel loved, I felt like an object. I was a prize he won, to him it was a contest with Ranger and he won.

I continued to sit on the beach until the sun set. It was beautiful watching the sun set over the water. It was getting chilly now, but what difference did it make? My life was going to be a cold shell of what it was without Ranger. I heard a car door shut and realized that my time alone was over. I had made a decision about my life.

**Joe's POV**

I had a few cases I was trying to close before the wedding tomorrow, we'd be gone on our honeymoon for a couple of weeks to Italy. A mob informant had a villa on the shores of Lake Como and was loaning it to us for the honeymoon. I thought it would be a great way to impress Stephanie and the entire Burg. I also wanted to show her that Manoso isn't the only one who can give her expensive gifts. I heard my cell phone ring and looked down and saw my mother's number. Great what has Cupcake done now to piss her off "Hi Mom."

She cut me off "Joe, I don't know why you have to marry someone so difficult."

"What did she do this time?" I groaned.

My mother huffed so I knew it couldn't be good. "She ran out when I played the song for your first dance and now she won't answer the phone at all. No one knows where she is, we even called that awful Lula and Connie. At least Connie is Burg."

I sighed; this wedding was going to be the death of me. I had agreed to dance once with my bride to keep my mother happy, Cupcake probably didn't like the song. "Did you call the house?"

"Of course Joseph, we even stopped there and don't use that condescending tone with me."

"I'll handle it Mom."

"You better and she better be at the rehearsal at 5 sharp."

I heard a dial tone. Great, now I have to search for my runaway bride, as if I don't have enough to do today. I called the house and cell phone and both went to voice mail. I tried calling the Bonds Office and Mary Lou and turned up nothing. I knew only one person who could tell me where Cupcake was. If she wasn't with him I assumed he had a tracker on her so he would tell me where she was. I dialed my rival and heard "Yo."

I really hated that he could make me feel like crap with a 'yo'. "Ranger, is Cupcake with you?"

"Lost your bride?"

I heard that smug tone of his and I had to swallow my pride and explain "Apparently something upset her earlier and she left her mother's house and she's not answering her phone. I called the Bonds Office and Mary Lou and they haven't heard from her. They tried calling her and she didn't answer their calls either."

"I haven't seen or heard from her since she quit."

"You expect me to believe that you have no trackers on her. You have to know where she is" I yelled.

Ranger replied back to me in that monotone voice of his, like he didn't care that I yelled or even believed him "I don't care what you believe. Stephanie asked me to step back when she said she was marrying you. She gave me back all the trackers in her purse and I removed the tracker from her vehicle at her request. I'll ask my men to keep an eye out for her, that's all I can do. They will notify you directly if they locate her."

I heard a dial tone. That bastard hung up on me and he couldn't tell me where she was. The rehearsal was in three hours and no one knew where she was. I finished up my paperwork and ran home to change, hoping to see Cupcake waiting for me.

**Ranger's POV**

I thought about the last three months and was still surprised that three words could shatter my heart – "I'm marrying Joe." Me, the Mighty Manoso, who would believe a little white girl from the Burg, could break my heart. I swore to never fall in love, I didn't need the entanglements of a wife or children. Rachel didn't love me so it was easy to leave and divorce her. Julie was never planned and I loved my daughter but it was easy to leave when she had Ron for her father. If I didn't come back she wouldn't really miss me, she had him. Stephanie was another story. She walked in that diner and I never stood a chance. If she only knew what she did to me. I made sure she had no idea how much I loved her. My words were more than enough to push her away and make her think she meant nothing to me. To make her think that night meant nothing to me.

I honestly thought that one day she'd come to me and we could have a physical relationship. I was such a fool.

_Flashback…_

_She walked into my office and said nervously said "Ranger I need to tell you something."_

_I smiled at her, knowing Stephanie it could be anything "Babe"_

"_I'm marrying Joe and quitting bounty hunting. I have to grow up and act my age before I lose my only chance at happiness."_

_My heart stopped, those weren't her words. They belonged to her mother and the cop. They had finally broken her and I let it happen. I was shocked but I kept my blank face on "Congratulations Babe. Do you want to work here or do you plan to stay home?" and be the perfect Burg housewife they want._

_She chewed her bottom lip and I could tell she was thinking and she really wanted to work for me but was unsure of their reaction. "You don't mind?"_

"_Babe we love having you work here" I replied._

"_Okay. I think that would be ok if it's just computer work Joe shouldn't be too upset."_

_Two months later I could see the stress in her face. She had moved in with the cop and gave up her apartment. I could no longer sneak in and watch her sleep. She wearily walked into my office one morning and sadly asked for a minute of my time. I knew what was coming, I heard about the fights and his screaming even at Pino's. I knew her mother and the Morelli women had been working on her as well "Babe just tell me."_

_I watched as tears filled her beautiful blue eyes but she was somehow able to hold them back "I have to quit. Joe and everyone in our family disapprove of me working for you and if I want any peace in my life I have to quit."_

_Her voice was quiet and sad I felt my heart constrict. I was going to lose all contact with her. She handed me her resignation and trackers. "Babe is this effective immediately?"_

"_No, I didn't want to leave you in a bind with two of the guys on vacation and one on bereavement leave. Two weeks' notice and I'm gonna need you to remove the tracker from my car. I think it's for the best if you step back and I stay far away from you. It'll make Joe happy."_

_I looked at her sad expression and said "What about you Babe? Will it make you happy?"_

_She shook her head "It'll make my life easier."_

_End of Flashback_

I slammed my fist on my desk, that fucking cop. Morelli, his mother and her shrew of a mother were destroying her and they didn't even see it. I had been watching her from a distance or one of the core team at least. We had watched the joy leave her and watched her become a shell. I wondered if she ran out today because she couldn't deal with it any longer and she was considering ending this sham. My phone rang "Report" I barked out.

"Rangeman you got to learn to relax" Tank chuckled. "Bombshell has been sitting on the beach for three hours do you want me to call the cop?"

I rolled my eyes; if I wanted the cop called I'd have had Tank call him earlier. "No, I'm on my way to relieve you." I hung up before I could hear his laughter; Tank was getting a kick out of this.

I drove the distance to Point Pleasant in my zone and pulled up to our special place. Steph and I found it when we were chasing a skip two summers ago, it was secluded and had a beautiful view. It was like a private beach. I watched Tank pull out when I pulled up and I saw Lester waiting to take my car. I figured I'd need to drive her home she was probably exhausted.

Lester gave me a report "She hasn't moved in hours but at least she isn't crying anymore. We watched her shoulders shake for a couple of hours. I don't know how you're going to get her to leave."

I looked at my cousin and said "She'll leave when she's ready but if I go down to her she'll probably want to leave right away. I wish I knew what I did to piss her off."

Les gave me an incredulous look "Did you ever think that maybe you should have stopped her. By doing nothing she probably figured you were glad to get rid of her." He took the keys from my hand, climbed in the Turbo and slammed the door shut before tearing out of the lot.

I walked down to the beach and saw her stiffen. She knew it was me and apparently she wasn't too happy about that. I sat down behind her and pulled her to my chest.

Her voice was soft and I barely heard her over the waves "I asked you to take the trackers off. Did you tell Joe where I was?"

"Babe, I did take the trackers off and I didn't tell Morelli where you were. If I did he'd be here not me. Is that what you want?"

**Stephanie's POV**

I sighed "No, I don't want him here. I don't want to marry him and I absolutely don't want to wear that stupid puffy white fucking dress that I wasn't allowed to choose myself."

I felt him silently laughing behind me "Why did you say yes when he asked?"

I was surprised by his question but I answered anyway. I softly said "Because he asked me and I knew no one else would." What I actually meant was I knew he never would.

We sat there for a few minutes and I could feel his breath on the back of my neck. I was startled when he softly asked "Why would anyone else ask you when you've been on and off with Morelli for the last few years?"

I was surprised again by his question and again I answered "The Dick and I were divorced for years and I had hardly been asked out so I figured my mother was right. Morelli's my last chance, I'm lucky he'll marry me at all. No one else will."

I felt him let out a breath and he must have stood up because I could feel the cold at my back. I saw a hand by my face and I took it and he pulled me up and my stomach growled. "Do you want to get some food before I take you home to Morelli?"

I sighed and turned away from him and said "I suppose I could eat." I felt the tears roll down my cheek and I sniffed as I walked ahead of him to my Cayenne. I don't know what I thought when he came to me on the beach. I guess I deluded myself. I can't live without him but he has no problems living without me.

I felt his hand at the small of my back as he steered me to the passenger's seat. He took the keys and beeped the door open and helped me inside. We sat quietly as he drove me to a diner and we went inside. We sat down and he orders water and a salad. What a surprise? I ordered a bacon cheeseburger, fries and a coke. We barely spoke during our meal and you could cut the tension with a knife.

**Ranger's POV**

What had I been thinking? I should've called Morelli to get her and then pulled a blank face through the ceremony and pretended to get a call right after I arrived at the reception. She's so beautiful sitting there eating her food, trying not to moan. I can't believe she barely dated after her divorce and thinks no one wants her but Morelli. Her mother and Morelli have done a number on her and then I go and send her back to him. No wonder she kept going back to him, I didn't treat her any better than anyone else has. I don't know how to make it better before tomorrow.

I know she's having second thoughts or she wouldn't have spent the day sitting on the beach alone, crying. "Babe, are you sure you want to go through with the wedding tomorrow?"

She looked up at me with her beautiful blue eyes wide and said "No, I'm not sure but it's a little late to cancel now."

I said "It's only too late when the ceremony's over."

She shrugged as the waitress walked up to the table and smiled invitingly at me and I gave her a blank look. "Would you like anything else" she asked me.

"No, just the check" I said in a toneless voice. The waitress dropped the check on the table and walked away. I pulled several bills from my pocket and dropped them on the table. "Ready to go Babe?"

She looked hurt and said "Of course, I wouldn't want to keep you from your work any longer." She slid out of the booth and walked out in front of me.

I screwed up again; maybe I should just never speak to her again. "Stephanie wait, I didn't mean it like that."

She was standing at the passenger's door waiting for me to unlock it. "Babe, please, listen to me."

"Why, are you going to tell me something different?" I could hear the tears in her voice. God I hate what I've done to her.

"Babe, I'm sorry I hurt you. I just, I'm not good with words so I tried to show you how much I love you. You listened to all the bullshit I said and all the degrading statements from your mother and Morelli and started to believe them. You can't marry him tomorrow; I don't know how I can live without you if you do. If I thought you'd be happy and it's what you wanted I'd do it but not if you're going to be miserable."

**Stephanie's POV**

I just stood there with my back to him, tears streaming down my face again. Could it be true? Ranger, loves me? Why couldn't he have said this three months ago? Now the day before my wedding he tells me he loves me. "Do you mean it or is this me being your entertainment."

"Babe, I didn't mean it when I said you're entertainment. Please look at me." I turned around to look at him and saw more emotion that I ever saw him show before. He continued in an almost begging tone "I love you more than anything in this world and I need you to keep me going. I don't know if I can go on without you."

I watched him and I could tell he meant everything he said. I knew that my decision to not marry Joe would be the right one. If Ranger changed his mind later at least we tried. "Ranger, I love you more than anything in this world. I didn't think you felt the same way and I was afraid you would meet someone else and I couldn't bear to be alone and watch you with someone else." I threw myself in his arms and I felt his lips crash down on mine and I was lost in his kiss.

**Ranger's POV**

I poured my heart out to Stephanie and I stood there nervous? Yeah, nervously waiting for her response. Then I heard her say the words I had longed to hear. She loved me and was afraid I'd fall in love with someone else. I leaned down and kissed her, deeply and passionately. I was lost in that kiss until I heard that voice, the one I hated more than anything else.

**Joe's POV**

No one had seen Cupcake and Manoso was no help. She didn't show up for the rehearsal or the rehearsal dinner and I was humiliated in front of everyone. I decided to drive out to Point Pleasant to see if she was there. I knew she liked the beach and all her friends were at the rehearsal. Well everyone but Manoso and his band of thugs. I had been driving for about an hour when I passed by a diner and saw a black Porsche Cayenne. She had to buy one with "her money" because she wanted one. More like because Manoso had one. I knew she drove his and she said she liked the vehicle. I think it made her think of him. I didn't want to believe my eyes but I saw her in his arms and that was no friendly kiss.

I stopped my truck and pulled into the parking lot and got out. I stomped over to where they were standing and yelled "What the fuck is going on Cupcake? I thought we were getting married tomorrow and you're here making out with him?" I huffed and turned to him and said "And you Manoso – you told me you didn't know where she was. You're a fucking liar."

Cupcake turned and looked at me as she pulled something out of her pocket and said "Here's the ring Joe. I can't marry you tomorrow, I'm not in love with you and it would be a mistake to get married."

I took the ring; I think I'm in shock. She decides now that she can't marry me, the night before. I'm Joe Morelli, the guy every girl wants since I was a kid. She's dumping me for Manoso, why? What's so great about him? "Why Cupcake? Why now?"

I watched her take a deep breath and grab Ranger's hand "I realized something today. I can't marry you and spend my life pretending to be in love with you. I'm miserable Joe, I hate staying home and you don't respect me. If you did you'd stop our mother's from steamrolling over me and allow ME to plan our wedding, not them. I was lucky to choose my own bridal attendants."

I looked at the two of them standing there and I realized something; they truly loved each other. It was surprising to see him without his customary blank face. She was right, we'd be miserable and then divorced within a year.

"Whatever Cupcake, do what you want." I walked away and drove home. I didn't see her again for six months. I had to take the fallout of the cancelled wedding from both our mother's.

**Epilogue: Four years later – Stephanie's POV**

Ranger took me back to his apartment after I ended things with Morelli in the diner parking lot. Not my finest moment but at least I didn't make another mistake. Ranger sent some of the men over to pack my things and get Rex when Joe was gone. Ranger took me down to Miami so he could take care of some contracts and visit Julie. We spent three weeks handling his business and then he took me on vacation around the world for five months. We had landed at Newark Airport and I heard "There's my white girl."

Lula and Tank were waiting by baggage claim for us. I walked up to her and hugged her and then I hugged Tank. Ranger and Tank did some complicated handshake and Ranger barked out his customary "Report."

Tank said "Ella has planned the entire wedding and the invitations have gone out. Everyone thinks it's a 'Welcome Home' party for the two of you. There's gonna be a lot of people there."

Lula couldn't be left out and said "White girl, the gossip has been non-stop since you ran off with Batman here. No one has admitted to speaking to either of you, not that too many people have asked the Merry Men. Gazarra's the only one who had the guts to ask and Tankie here told him you was fine and that you were with Ranger."

The next night I walked down the aisle with my father at my side. He was excited when Tank pulled him aside so Ranger and I could tell him we were getting married and I wanted him to walk me down the aisle. Ranger and I exchanged vows and there wasn't a dry eye in the room. We had written our own vows, even my mother was happy for me.

Three years later we were still happily married and had a set of twins Carlos Ricardo and Emily Rosa. I was six weeks pregnant with our third child and I was going to tell Carlos after taking a home pregnancy test when the phone rang. It was Tank, Lula was in labor all night and he was on his way to the hospital with her contractions 9 minutes apart. I called Angie, who was now 16 and had just gotten her license and asked her to come over and watch the twins. She was at our house in 10 minutes and we were on our way. Twelve hours later Stephanie Ava Sherman was born weighing 8 lbs. 10 oz. Lula was happy but totally exhausted and had fallen asleep. Tank held his daughter in his large hands and she looked even smaller.

It was wonderful for Carlos and I to see our friends so happy and to see how wonderful my life turned out. I thought about the song that started it all and after we returned home I played it on my I-pod speaker and my gorgeous husband danced with me. Just like he did at our wedding and I whispered in his ear my news. He gave me his 200 watt smile and said "Babe, if I knew how happy we'd be I would've married you that same day we met in the diner. I don't know how I'd live without you if you married Morelli that day."

I smiled at him and said "Thank God we'll never know." I stood on my tip toes and brushed a kiss on his lips and he quickly took over and it was deep and passionate. Carlos pushed me over to the bed and I knew that if I wasn't already pregnant I would be in the morning.


End file.
